Here’s the latest installment of The New York Times’ fascinating series “why the richest people in America are also the most important!” This piece reveals the utterly selfless devotion to mankind demonstrated by a particular AIG financial products VP, who is totally selflessly quitting AIG because the American people selfishly stole back his “earnings.” In the letter, which is carefully written to appear as if it were not intended for publication, our poor millionaire not only assures us that he is a really, REALLY good guy, who, like, totally cares about other people and stuff, but that he had nothing (seriously, you can ask ALL his friends) to do with the implosion of the American economy. So America, it’s way fucked up to stereotype him like that.
All Your Bonus Are Belong To Us
Important note: our hero feels betrayed that he doesn’t to keep some of the bailout money intendeded to rescue our flailing economy. So he’s going to take his ball and go home. I’m sure there’s no one else capable of doing his job, especially no one else as entirely motivated by bonus “earnings”, so it will probably sit vacant for a while. What a shame that it impossible to find good financial products VPs these days, since no banks or investment firms have gone under in the last year and a half. If only unemployment were at record highs…
I get the sarcasm but I also think that there ARE a lot of great people at the top of companies because they worked hard to get there. Also a lot of corporate presidents get the blame for things when really they are legally bound to please the share holders, meaning they legally have to make the decision to make more money in any given situation. I think that blaming people who have money and giant corporations is the wrong way to go. I think a lot of the reason businesses got that way is because of the American publics dependence on trends and materialism. I don’t think it is a sin for people to capitalize on that…just a natural human behavioral flaw. We all have to rethink our own decisions.
all sarcasm aside, AIG would be bankrupt without the taxpayer money they got. bankrupt companies don’t issue bonuses.