she looks good in a hood
You probably didn’t know this, but the main reason that anyone ever shows up to those anarchist rallies is girls. That’s right, folks, just like everything man has ever accomplished, anarchism is yet another way to impress the ladies. However, this is no ordinary I’m-just-doing-this-to-get-laid type of situation. A dedicated anarchist, like a 24 year old Mormon virgin, has reduced himself to solely one characteristic. Intense, passionate dedication to the cause. An anarchist with a cool car is a sell-out. Anarchists must eschew attractive, brand-name clothing. You can’t take an anarchist on a date to a nice restaurant, because true anarchists are freegans who don’t have any money for romantic dinners anyway. And an anarchist without a stupid-looking haircut is hardly an anarchist at all.
So, you see, the male anarchist lives between the rock of devotion and the hard-place of the real world. Only by flaunting his violent, puerile frustration with The System that keeps him Down, can he attract enough attention to find a mate. Or even just a special lady friend.
These aren’t just any ladies, mind you. As it turns out, anarchist chicks are also post-modern ultra-feminists who believe that just as it is our duty to enjoy one another’s bodies, it is also our duty not to procreate in such a fragile, collapsing ecosystem. Besides, nuclear families are a prison built by The Man. So imagine the fount of frustration stored within each male anarchist, faced both with a total incapacity to utilize traditional social tactics of attractiveness, and simultaneously surrounded by some of the swinginest, abortion-loving, disaffected hotties imaginable.
It’s not easy living on the cutting edge of counter-culture. We can only wish them safe travels, and hope our armored cops don’t destroy their eye sockets or genitals with their rubber bullets. I’m sure that’s what the New York Times had in mind when they ran that photo on the cover.
